11 May 2012

Finding Ourselves

For the past few months, I've simply not known what to write. At times I wonder why we felt so strongly about adoption last summer. The process is slow and at times confusing, but I've soon come to realize that this process isn't so much about "finding our children" but "finding ourselves."

Dream Castles. Image by Greg Olsen

Finding ourselves is not an easy nor a quick process. There are times when we feel like we have conquered one mountain in our life only to turn around to face another (that sometimes seems even more daunting!) There are times when it would seem so much easier to throw our hands up and simply stop - give up - quit trying.

This week I've definitely been reminded how important it is to keep going, sometimes during the most seemingly "random" of times.

• Inspiration for a character in my story becomes deeply personal and draws me to a talk by President Thomas S. Monson. (He defines "enduring" as "to withstand with courage.")

• In a book about running they note that the first "10 minutes are the toughest" - if you can push past that, its much easier to keep going (and that much more rewarding!)

• A general conference talk used by a sister during a visiting teaching visit notes that blessings can come from our challenges and can even "more than compensate for any cost" and that a "foundation of faith ... takes time to build."

It was during an especially hard moment that I realized: Our children (whenever and however they come) are special - so special that their parents need a little extra help before they can come! (I can just imagine them saying to each other, "Boy, our parents are taking a loooong time!!")

It is for them that I keep trying doing*. I keep going forward, allowing my Heavenly Father to help me become a better person through my challenges, and begin to find myself one piece at a time so that I can one day be the mother of these special souls.

Sarah


* Trying: "make an attempt or effort"
Doing: "perform, act, accomplish"

Read President Monson's talk here
Read President Eyring's talk here