We Are Expected to Walk

I've been asked about our adoption process, and I've struggled to know what to say lately as our journey to adopt can only be described as a "pioneer experience."

Virginia H. Pearce tells us that to reach "our goal, our journey's end ... to get there we are expected to walk and walk and walk."

And honestly, that's how we feel. We've been walking, and walking...and walking! This journey for us is going to take time, patience, and faith.

I find that it's easy for us to get caught up in the "busy-ness" of life. There are so many things that compete for our time and attention. I am no exception, sometimes I "run around" and hardly take time to breathe and enjoy life. It's easy to stress out and wonder what the heck you're doing!

But in a quiet moment of self-doubt and questioning, the most beautiful answer that I've received is peace.

 The Lost Lamb, image by Del Parson

Peace. It's such a simple concept, yet it's helped me "survive" so much. It's let me know that I am loved so much by my Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ. It's given me a "confidence" that has allowed me to trust that everything is happening in the way it should.

It's calmed my heart, knowing that our children are being cared for while we are being prepared and strengthened and "bettered." (Even though it's easy to take the opposite perspective during these times.) Parenthood is a sacred calling and these children need us to become greater than we are. We need to be ready and willing.

Howard W. Hunter has said, “True greatness ... always requires regular, consistent, small, and sometimes ordinary and mundane steps over a long period of time.”

So no matter how small our steps may seem, no matter how long the journey, step by step, we are going to keep walking!

Sarah

Read the complete Ensign article here

We Chose Adoption

I've been hesitant to sit down and write for a few days now, but I feel that it's important to show that there is more than one side to this journey.  

Most days, its easy to be optimistic and excited. I love the fact that we are hoping to adopt. I love that God put into our hearts that we need to adopt. Even with all the uncertainty, I feel blessed that others will reach out and give so much for us. I smile as I run my hands over a beautiful homemade blanket someone kindly gave and imagine using it for our own child.

But then there are times, my heart just breaks.
          "Just spend time with our kids, and you'll think twice before having your own."
          "Don't adopt because you are scared, there are other options," and
          "Don't you want your own kids?" 
It's times like this that I'm not sure how I should respond. Should I smile, because yes, their kids are a bit of a handful at times, but even so, that makes me love them even more? Should I laugh and keep my mouth shut? Or should I explain how much those comments can hurt, regardless of the intent they were given?

After being married for four years and still no children, you wonder what the next step in your life is. The answer, loud and clear, for us was "You need to adopt!" We've had no medical testing, no fertility treatments, no answers from doctors. Life is just what it is. Yet, this decision was not made on a whim, and this decision was not made lightly. This is a part of this journey that we don't share often. We chose adoption first. We know that most people won't understand, will have lots of questions, and will have plenty to share with us. But even so, this is the path we choose to take.

I once heard someone say, "God brings us to our knees so He can lift us up."

 Be Not Afraid, image by Greg Olsen

I can't tell you how many times I've fallen to my knees during this journey, especially during those times when you feel like all the running in the world only gets you one foot in the door. But then I remember that God will soon lift us up where He needs us to be, and I feel blessed, so blessed, that Heavenly Father is preparing me to soon meet an extraordinary young woman and an extra special child. Daily, I hold on to that beautiful image of a child in our arms and of the overwhelming love that comes when you are a part of a miracle.

Sarah

The Only Way to See the View is to Make the Climb

This week we are enjoying the beautiful lake known as Donner Lake. The air is fresh and crisp, the chipmunks make us laugh, and the bluejays bring a smile to my face as memories of my Grandma come to mind.

These past few weeks, I've felt a little discouraged. It has felt like there have been more "downs" than "ups," and we've found it hard to know where to go next. I found it very comforting when I happened to read an article where Paul V. Johnson describes one of his favorite hikes, full of beautiful vistas and tall limestone cliffs.

He says, "Getting to the top of the cliffs isn't easy, however. The trail there is a constant climb; and just before reaching the top, the climber encounters the steepest part of the trail; and the views of the canyon are hidden by the cliffs themselves."

As I pondered on this, I thought back on the "ups and downs" we have already encountered as we have only just begun this journey. Life is a constant climb and there are moments that you wonder what is up ahead (hidden from our view).

He then continues, "The final exertion is more than worth the effort because once the climber is on top, the views are breathtaking. The only way to see the views is to make the climb."

Mount Hood. Image by Darrell Wyatt

This phrase took on new meaning to me as I thought about "the mountains and the valleys" of this journey. It's often hard to see the "goal" ahead, and you find yourself questioning every step to you take.

This simple paragraph helped encourage me as I think of the beautiful baby that we hope to soon hold in our arms. It will be a climb, but like he says, "The only way to see the [breathtaking] views is to make the climb." We know that this journey will be "more than worth the effort," and we are excited to make the climb.

Sarah

The Miracle of the Pennies

This weekend we had a HUGE yard sale to help raise money for our adoption fund. Friends and family donated items for us to sell, as well as their time, their resources, and their support. (We appreciate it soo much!)

We felt that because we were so blessed that we wanted to "pass it on" and so our motto for the sale became, "Take what you need, pay what you can." We prayed that those who needed the items we were selling, regardless of their circumstances, would come. 

Below are some of the miracles we experienced, and the individuals who touched our lives.

~*~ ~*~

I talked with a man whose wife was due in 7 days, and he was looking for things to use in their home. He apologetically handed me a few dollars as he explained how they had had some car trouble, and he wished he could give us more. As he drove off, I had this overwhelming push to chase after him and give him a picture of the Logan Temple, but he had already left and so I just prayed that his family would be blessed.
          A few hours later, he came back with his sweet wife. They were able to find more items that they needed, but again, they apologized that they didn't have much - they had raided their "date jar" just so they could pay us. Interestingly enough, they were interested in the picture I had wanted them to have earlier. I felt very strongly that this family needed this picture in their home, and so with tears in my eyes, I explained how I felt, and they gratefully accepted this picture.
          The next day, the husband came back with an old cell phone, explaining that they wished they could give more, but hoped it would help us raise the money we needed.

~*~ ~*~ 

A sweet older lady was so excited about us wanting to adopt. A little while later, she came back with the most beautiful homemade baby blanket. She also brought us some blocks to add to our yard sale, wishing us the best and explaining that she felt she hadn't given enough.

~*~ ~*~

A young couple came with only 2 dollars left to their name. They really needed one of the items, but the wife loved an old box of rocks that were colorful and different. As we watched this couple, you could tell they were struggling to decide which purchase to make. They finally settled on the item they needed, apologizing for their lack of money. We explained how we wanted the items we were selling to go to those who needed them most and offered them box of rocks. The wife's eyes lit up, and my heart smiled because I too have a love for colorful and unique rocks.

~*~ ~*~ 

One item we were selling was an air conditioner. Many individuals looked and asked about it, but we had no success selling it. We contemplated different options, but the thought that kept running through my mind was, "The person who needs this the most will come." Later Saturday afternoon, a woman told us a story about how she desperately needed an air conditioner. She told us that she had very little money and was still waiting on a paycheck. With her last few dollars, she purchased the air conditioner. I can't describe how much joy and peace we felt as we helped this lady load the air conditioner. We were so thankful that we had exactly what she needed and were able to play a part in helping her family stay cool during the hot summer months.

~*~ ~*~ 

Children from around the neighborhood kept running up to us with handfuls of pennies. They were so eager to help in any way that they could and so excited to be apart of the experience. The next week, they set up a lemonade stand "just for us" so that they could help raise even more money to help us adopt our baby.

~*~ ~*~

Neighbors who we had never met donated their time, themselves, food, water, shade, support, and more. You gave so much. It was a great way to meet new friends. This was truly a HUGE blessing for us! (Thank you!)

~*~ ~*~ 

Individuals shared with us special adoption experiences, advice, resources, miracles, and more. This reminded us how important it is for us to be adopting and allowed us to share our story with others.

~*~ ~*~

These are only a few of the many different miracles we experienced. It was amazing how God was able to use us to bless others and in turn, use their "pennies" to make such a difference in our life.We feel so blessed and so very grateful for this experience.

Sarah

Sometimes He Lets It Rain

Sometimes rain comes softly, dancing across the leaves of the plants that stretch their heads towards the sky.

Image by Darrell Wyatt

Other times, the rain comes down angrily, the drops drumming out a staccato beat on the rooftop as it joins the thunder in its song.

We may often ask ourselves, "Why does it have to rain?" — often forgetting that nature takes it's nourishment from the rain — and think only of ourselves and how it upsets our day.

Life is often like that. We wonder "Why does this happen to me?" Sometimes this question can lead us to turn away from others and into ourselves, while other times it strengthens our belief in God.

I've been thinking about this concept a lot this week. Processing our decision to adopt and the reactions from others. Wondering about myself and what lies ahead in the future. It's easy to lose sight of what's important as you see the "storm clouds" roll in, forgetting that the purpose of rain is to heal the land it falls upon — to feel the empty space in our hearts.

There is one song in particular that I love about rain, and I think it speaks to how we often follow the same pattern in our lives. We may hope for relief from our challenges in life, but more often than not, they come. We struggle, but in the end, we realize that these challenges are simply "stepping stones" in our life and we are so much the better for having "weathered the storm."

The road to adoption is a hard one, filled with many "storms" that we'll want to avoid. But in the end, we'll be blessed with a child who brings sunshine into our lives and we'll be grateful to have walked this path.

Sarah





Sometime's He Lets It Rain
(Katherine Nelson)

She sees the storm clouds gather
The sky is turning cold and gray
She knows that something's coming
When she starts to feel this way
She pleads for intervention
But heaven offers no relief
And she would understand if she could only see

Sometimes He lets it rain
He lets the fierce winds blow
Sometimes it takes a storm
To lead a heart where it can grow
He can move mountains of grief
And oceans of pain
But sometimes He lets it rain

When her heart surrenders
To the Master in control
Her spirit learns the lessons
Of the tempest in her soul
When it's no longer raging
She can see how far she's come
Through the wisdom and the mercy of the Son

Sometimes He lets it rain
He lets the fierce winds blow
Sometimes it takes a storm
To lead a heart where it can grow
He can move mountains of grief
And oceans of pain
But sometimes He lets it rain

Excited about Adoption Experience

For those of you who don't know me, I am Jason and have been married for four years to Sarah (the most wonderful wife in the world). It is an interesting thing to be a husband during the adoption process with thoughts of how to handle the physical aspects of adoption (money to raise, how to prepare to be future father, how to support my wife though the experience, etc). So far my experiences have been very positive,  I am sure that we will have a great time even through all the struggles as we work through all the steps towards adoption. Since we first started discussing adoption we both felt that though we hope still to have our own child it was time to welcome in a child into our home through other means. Though we may not be as financially wealthy as some families we feel that we can provide a loving, stable, and established home to any child. My hope is that I can be the best possible father to this child.

Jason

The Widow's Mite

When I was younger, I was taught the story about the widow's mite, and how a poor widow gave two mites -  "all that she had, even all her living." Jesus tells his disciples, "that this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury." (Mark 12:42-44)

Image by Amy Pectol

We feel very blessed today to have received a family's "two mites" to help us adopt. This family has very little when it comes to monetary means and some days it may feel like a struggle to survive. The money that was handed to us in a little white envelope was given to us at a price — they had been "saving their pennies" for something important, yet they felt that our need was greater than theirs.

While some may look on this event as too small to make a difference — simply a "drop in the bucket" — it was as if they had handed us a million dollars. We are so grateful and feel blessed for their sacrifice for us so that we can get one step closer to our dream.

Sarah

Prayer for a Birth Mom

We're on a journey of 1,000 steps and we're hardly even on step one, yet thoughts of adoption are on my mind constantly.

photo courtesy of singhajaykr25

This morning I woke up to thoughts of a future birth mother, a girl who may or may not enough know right now what challenges lie ahead in her future. I wondered where she lived, and what she was doing. I wondered about her family and her life.

A part of a song called "She" by Cherie Call came to my mind as I was thinking on these things. It goes:

And it breaks my heart every time I see her wonder
If she means anything in this world that pulls her under
And she doesn't always see the way that Heaven smiles above her
That's the reason I try to always tell her that I love her

As I pondered, I realized that the person who probably needs my prayers the most ... is her. She might have the support of friends, the love of family, or maybe, she feels as if she's alone, and that no one cares about her. She may even feel that the world is "trying to pull her under."

It's then that I knew that I needed to pray for her. As I prayed, I felt a strong connect form, and I felt so much love for this girl, one who I may never meet. My heart went out to her as I thought of what she has to face, and I wished that I could just give her a big hug and let her know someone cares for her.

I just want her to know, wherever she is in the world — You are loved. You are a daughter of God. You are going to have many challenges and hard decisions to make, but we are praying for you, and we love you. God knows who you are, and what lies ahead for you. Never give up!

Sarah




She
(Cherie Call)

She is not the picture on the magazine
She's the woman just behind you in the checkout stand
She may appear to be common but she mystifies
In all the ways the wisest men and children understand
'Cause she has eyes that sparkle with her love
And she has a smile that's as gentle as a dove
And no woman in a movie or an ad could ever hope to be
As beautiful as she

She is not a highly honored diplomat
Held responsible to lead the world to peace
But what she does is every bit as serious
Amidst the turmoil everywhere that will never cease
'Cause she has hands that wipe the tears away
And she has a voice that makes everything O.K.
And no woman from the papers or T.V. could ever hope to be
As indispensable as she

And it breaks my heart every time I see her wonder
If she means anything in this world that pulls her under
And she doesn't always see the way that Heaven smiles above her
That's the reason I try to always tell her that I love her

'Cause she may not be known for giving millions
To the charities and auctions on the news
But I believe she's given more than anyone
In all the times she's ever had to choose
To give up sleep to rock her children every night
And give her heart to always hold their dreams so tight
And the best that you or I could ever hope to be
Is as wonderful as she

And the best that you or I could ever hope to be
Is as wonderful as she

Grateful for a Stranger

Tonight I am grateful for the words of stranger.

I met an older gentlemen, who you couldn't help but instantly form a connect with the minute you met him. He reminded me of a younger version of my grandpa, and you could tell he had genuine concern for everyone he meets.

With no knowledge of our current situation, he told a story about his daughter and how she had recently been able to adopt. He paused and then, with some emotion, stated that the bond between parents and child was just as strong as if it had been their own. You could tell that this man loved this new grandchild with all his heart and had a deep respect for family.

Hearing this story instantly brought tears to my eyes and touched something in my heart. It reminded both me and my husband once again that adopting a child is what we need to be doing at this time and strengthened us for our journey that lies ahead of us.

Thank you, kind stranger. Your words will always have a special place in our hearts.

Sarah

Delivery, by Cherie Call

One of my favorite artists is Cherie Call. She has wonderful music with beautiful messages, and I love listening to all her songs.

There is one song that I particular love, called "Delivery." It's a story about a 17 year old mom that gives her baby up for adoption and later receives a letter from the family who adopts her son. Not only are they so grateful and love this child "as their own," but tells the story of the Savior and how he was "adopted" by Joseph (his mortal Father).

Image by Jean Keaton

I love the comparison in this song, and I hope this song will touch you as much as it touches me.

Sarah




Delivery
(Cherie Call)

She was only seventeen and she knew she couldn't keep him
But at that very moment she wished that she could try
He was sleeping in her arms with his hand around her finger
When a woman came and told her it was time to say goodbye
So she wrapped him in a blanket as her tears fell on his head
And she sent him with a letter, and this is what it said:

"I delivered you from Heaven, from God's gentle loving care
And I've entrusted you to mortals who have wished and prayed you there
They will be your earthly parents
Listen well to what they say
So they can deliver you back to Heaven
And I'll meet you there someday"

One day a few weeks later someone gave her a letter
And as she read the words she had to wipe the tears away
It said, "We don't know how to thank you
There are things that words can't say
He's the sunshine and the happiness that brightens all our days
And we couldn't live without him, and we love him as our own
He has filled the empty spaces in our family and our home

You delivered him from Heaven, something only you could do
And you have trusted us to love him and to teach him what is true
You have been our earthly angel
And I hope you know we pray
We can deliver him back to Heaven
That we'll meet you there someday

And even though you may not get to hold him for a while
A piece of you will be with him
Every time he smiles
And when he looks at his reflection, he'll see traces of the face
Of the one who made the sacrifice to send him to this place

Last night we read a story of a man who had a son
Who was from a different father, but he loved him as his own
And as he laid Him in a manger there were angels that were singing
And he knew that as a father he would never be alone
There are times we feel like Joseph
We need help from up above
And when you gave your son, you showed that father's kind of love

When you delivered him from Heaven
From God's gentle loving care
And you entrusted him to mortals who had wished and prayed him there
And when this life's laid out before us
I hope we all can say
That we delivered this child together
When we meet again someday
We'll deliver him back to heaven
And we'll meet you there someday

My Faith Is Being Perfected

There are so many thoughts running through my head right now, its a little scary to try and put what's in my heart into words.

Children have always been a big part of my world, something I've always wished and dreamed about. But especially lately, as I see so many of my friends get married and have sweet little babies of their own, something inside of me aches. I am so excited and happy for them, but I wonder at the same time why I don't have a baby of my own. Sometimes its hard not to let my own feelings show when I hold a brand new baby or marvel at how smart a toddler can be. It's even harder when you have to smile and be optimistic when you answer the question "So, do you have any kids?"

Today was one of those days - overwhelmingly so. It was almost paralyzing as I realized that my dream of having my own little one hasn't yet been realized. As I waited for my husband to return home from work, I flipped through the April 2011 Ensign magazine.

Gratefully, I read a story from a sister who questioned her worth as a daughter of God and His faith in her to raise a child. She says:

"I felt so left out. Why were all these other women getting to experience pregnancy? I had tried to live my life worthily and do things I knew to be correct. So why wasn’t it happening for me?"

She put into words PERFECTLY things I have wondered myself as I've seen the lives of those around me to continue to grow while I felt left out and left behind. It is really easy to "lose faith" and lose heart during these times.

In the article, she continues by share a valuable lesson she learned about healing. When someone is healed, it can strengthen their faith. "But for those who aren't healed but continue to be faithful, their faith is being perfected."

Somehow, this simple example brought the confirming peace to my heart reminding me that this was the right thing for me to be pursuing in my life, right now, regardless of the challenges that will come with adoption.

Will my arms still ache when a friend's baby I am holding returns to their own family? Yes. But I am confident that one day soon, my arms will be full again, but with my own dreams realized and a child of my own.

Sarah

Read the complete Ensign article here